I am getting a bit emo these two weeks, started Saturday. There occur the first conflict with my dear housemate, over a really small matter. I did what I usually did when I am not happy. I don't talk and made people felt distant. I guessed I learned this from my mum. When my mum was angry at me, she don't talk and stayed a distant with me, which made me felt being abandoned and lost.
But today, enter the 1L classroom, which is usually challenging and being exhausted physically and spiritually, I just don't have any more energy to yell. When they are all around the place and can't seem to settle down, I just distribute the worksheets and start teaching to get the class started and to settle them down. But there, Han Yang and other students who sit at the back who are still doing their own thing. I went there and said really gentle to them that please put away your books, or else I won't give your the worksheet. I didn't scold, even though they response in a really bad way, especially Han Yang. But I just talked nicely to them. I guessed scolding or getting my students to follow my instructions all the time is not really something that I claimed as a success if I couldn't touch their heart and made an impact in their life.
I knew that their have a lot of family issues and don't have a harmony relationship with their parents. So what I really need to do is to talk gently to them and to model them a good example of treating others. Of course this is not easy for me. In fact, this journey is never easy to me. A lot of time, I have doubt to continue and feel that I am a failure. But there is only by depending on Jesus that I could continue this journey and be patient. And not to forgot the vision God give to me, which is Love. Hope. Faith.
Not with my own strength, but I can do everything in Christ who strengthen me.
